So, this is how it feels, feeling like... Holy crap,  I still can't get enough to believe that i'm already really done. After three years and 28 months as student, I lost my words, so let me just try to come out. 

Surely, writing thesis' gonna be my one of the most majestic stage of my life. I learn a lot from this, not only about conducting research for months, but also searching for meaning of my life, my personal evolution. I realized, so many things when getting finished my study, about not giving up easily and keep moving forward even in stressful situation and facing so many obstacles. I appreciate every single good and bad thing beyond the process. 

Eventually, i figure out this is really not the end. It's just another beginning to be better than ever, forever. 

As I read novel or any other books, one part that i read carefully is the foreword or acknowledgement. That is where the authors put their whole heart to express anything. So, that's also what happen while I finished my thesis. The most personal and i give so much intention (it doesn't mean, another part is done by any old way). So, here it is. My full acknowledgement. 

All praise is due to Allah swt., the Great Almighty, the most merciful, the most beneficent, who bestowed upon the researcher endless blessing and supplied the love, the perseverance, and the guidance to undertake and complete this research. Also, may the peace and blessings be on the most noble of Prophets and Messengers, our Prophet Muhammad SAW, and on his family and all of his Companions. He has shown us the right ways, we will always be in the shelter of Allah until hereafter life.

Undertaking this research would also not have been possible without the support and encouragement of several people for whom the researcher would like to express his thanks and appreciation. The researcher asks Allah to bountifully reward all these people.

The deepest gratitude goes to the researcher’s beloved parents, Drs. H. M. Yusuf, M.Pd.I and Nuraeni, S.Pd. There is nothing in the world could pay what they have given, even the researcher himself know that their love is unconditional and endless. The researcher also would like to extend his gratitude to beloved brother and sisters, Ummil Wildaeni Al Hidayah, M. Rifqi Hanif Yusuf, and Rifqah Annisa Yusnita. Without their repetition questioning the researchers’ graduation, he could not be always kept in track on his thesis completion. Also, to his grandparents, H. Abdul Thalib, (Alm) Kasamung, (Alm) Marzuki, and (Alm) Rabong who has given very early education since childhood. Their lesson life is really meaningful until these days.

Dokumentasi Pribadi

Very great appreciation is also goes to: Prof. Dr. Husain Syam, M. TP., as the Rector of UNM; Prof. Dr. Abdul Rahman, M. Pd., as the Dean of FMIPA UNM; Dr. Awi Dassa, M. Si., as the Head of Mathematics Department of FMIPA UNM; Sutamrin, S. Si., M. Pd., as the Secretary of Mathematics Department of FMIPA UNM; Dr. Hisyam Ihsan, M.Si. as the Coordinator of  International Class Program of FMIPA UNM; Dr. Asdar, S. Pd., M. Pd., as the Head of Mathematics Education Study Program of Mathematics Department of FMIPA UNM. The researcher is very thankful due to providing necessary infrastructure and resources to accomplish his bachelor degree in mathematics education.

Dokumentasi Pribadi

The researcher is also extremely indebted to Sabri, S. Pd., M. Sc., and Ja’faruddin, S. Pd., M. Pd., as academic advisors who have given support and encouragement in getting the researcher’s bachelor degree.  The researcher also would like to express his great appreciation to Prof. Dr. H. Hamzah Upu, M. Ed. and Prof. Dr. Ruslan, M. Pd., as the supervisors who have guided and assisted until the end of this research. The researcher considers it is his privilege to have accomplished this thesis under their right guidance.Highly heartfelt thank is also given to Dr. Ilham Minggi, M. Si. and Sutamrin, S. Si., M. Pd., as the examiners of  this research. Their constructive comments and suggestions are very helpful to the success of this research.

The researcher also would like to thank to Dr. Ilham Minggi, M. Si and Nasrullah, S. Pd., M. Pd., as the validators of this research’s instruments. Without their valuable advice, the researcher could not carry his research work carefully.  Also, a sincere thanks to Syahrullah Asyari, S. Pd., M. Pd., as the proof reader on the great attention and patience in correcting the writing of thesis in English.

Many thanks to all the lecturers and staffs of Mathematics Department of FMIPA UNM who have educated and helped the researcher in college things. Gratitude is also goes to Suaib Ramli, S. Pd., M. Pd., as Headmaster of SMP Negeri 1 Makassar, who has provided the research location; Herlina Ali, S. Pd., as Mathematics Teacher of SMP Negeri 1 Makassar who has very kindly facilitated the researcher in her classroom; and all students at Grade IX SMP Negeri 1 Makassar who have taken part in this research and cooperated very well.

The researcher owes a deep sense of gratitude to his two good friends, Imaginary and Kugy (Fitrah Amalina).  The researcher has so many things to pay off for Imaginary thing, such as keep being happy while struggling, even suffering pain. Surely, he will never achieve good self-improvement without the encouragement in such weird thing of Imaginary. And Kugy, thanks for being partner-in-“crying”, for sharing good and hard times together, for keep asking whether the researcher is okay.

The researcher also would like sent heartfelt thanks to Ririn Mamiek Wulandari, S.Psi and Muhammad Yusran Basri, S. Pd., for their suggestions in writing research proposal, Iwan Setiawan H.R, S. Pd., for his 24-hours available on call in helping to make research instrument and conducting research, and also Kameliani, S. Pd., for her willingness in helping data analysis of this research. They deserve a lot more.

The researcher also greatly appreciates the best days with his second warm family, The All Crew of Lembaga Pers Mahasiswa Profesi UNM. We know nothing else better than our bond, strong and strengthen. Thanks for always giving courage to the researcher in all good way, for building the researcher’s capacity in physically and mentally, and for very amazing four years and still counting. Especially for Kesebelasan: Agung Rinaldy Malik, Ari Maryadi, Arnawan Arief, Febriawan Djalil, Mentari Jati Pratiwi, Nur Fadly, Nurul Irsal Amalia, Rachmad Wajo, Rajab, and Rosni Armin. They always know how to put smile on the researcher’s face, even for some inexplicable reasons.

Dokumentasi Pribadi

The researcher is also thankful for togetherness of college mates in ICP B Mathematics 2012: Abdul Salam, Ardillah, Awaliyah Mustakim, Besse Nurul Agustini, Dian Kharisma, Fadli, Fita Paramitha Husain, Fivy Alvionita Agustin, Hairunnisa, Hairunnisa Mahyuddin, Inggit Susilowati, Kamelia Angka, Muhammad Fathan, Muhammad Yusran, Nurmawaddah Rustam, Ramdhan Nur Cahyadi, Ria Rezeki, Sri Rahayu Ary Orbani, and Zulfadli. The researcher will never enjoy the campus life without their nice friendship and great help since freshman year. The same thankful is also goes to friends at ICP A Mathematics 2012, Epsilon (Mathematics 2012), all seniors and juniors in the Mathematics Department of FMIPA UNM. 

Dokumentasi Pribadi

Priceless time with Mathematics Computer Laboratory (Labkommat) assistants is highly appreciated. The researcher feels so thankful for every chance that he could take anytime there, for the warm hug that always welcomes back, again and again. Also, to all the assistants in the Mathematics Department for cooperating and helping in need, indeed.

Dokumentasi Pribadi

The researcher would like to express his very great appreciation to all great teacher and tentors at TK Abbulo Sibatang, TK/TPA Nurul Bustan, SD 22 Allu, SD 175 Bulo-bulo, Balangriri Intensive English Course, SMP 1 Bulukumpa, SMA 1 Bulukumpa and JILC. There are so many great experience and inspirations that has brought the researcher to this position. Especially, for Mathematics teacher, Nurhani, S. Pd and English teacher since childhood, Ruaedah, S. Pd and Drs. Muh. Alwi.

Deep gratitude goes to the researcher’s friends at TK Abbulo Sibatang, TK/TPA Nurul Bustan, SD 22 Allu, SD 175 Bulo-bulo, Balangriri Intensive English Course, SMP 1 Bulukumpa, SMA 1 Bulukumpa and JILC. Without their friendship, there can’t be comfortable school and brand new day to seize with. The best gratitude to Besties, junior high school mates: Andi Arifah Nurmala, Andi Ummul Aisyah, Asmawati, Asriyengki Amir, Desi Anggraeni, and Eka Fitriani. Thanks for being moodbooster to forget all worries every time catching up together.

Last but not the least, the researcher would like to thanks to all people who could not be mentioned one by one, both good and bad one, who he had ever met in life. He strongly believes that every single people always make impact to his life until this day. Good people bring happiness, bad people teach lessons. Thanks a billion.

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In Imaginary Talk

God, Supposedly It Ain't Wrong

Finally, after a long waiting. The time is really coming. I admire from afar my good friend, too good friend, an imaginary, you. It has been about to four years, till now.

But i just can't keep this feeling always keep burning my whole self. It shouldn't be. The secret should be revealed, at least for me and for Imaginary. Not for the others. Sorry for Kugy for never being shared who is the unlucky person. I know, Kugy never want too much to know who is Imaginary since Trigonometry or Integral things.

What I've been waiting for, the chance to speak out loud how I love you, how Imaginary means a lot to me directly, in all good and bad times, go back and forth. The confession.
Then, I told to you that I love you, truly love. The worst part, I confessed to you about my feeling when you said your second last goodbye. Yess, it was the second time you said your farewell words. The first one, we got back together and kept last till last night, a so much horrible night. And from now on, the never ever getting back together thing will works. In a big possibility.

Me, my self, still getting confused why people change in a so fast cycle. Yesterday was should be good. I supposed everything will be okay, then. Yesterday, you listened to our favorite songs, you smiled to me, you glanced at me. How I wished everyday was should be like yesterday. I tweeted it before. 
I just don't really realize if it was your signal, to another part of us. Till last night. You got really mad at me, a strong goodbye, poorly.

In the end, what I'm trying to say, I feel sorry for everything mistaken in our relationship. For everything we've been through, it was a good memories that I'll keep only by myself. For everything, thanks for being part of my youth.

Supposedly, it's the best way that we must take. Supposedly, it ain't wrong anymore. Now another time  has come, time to let go. In a real definition.

Let's get back to be just friend. Can we make it easy, can we be friends?

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In Campus

Albert Einstein, PKI, dan Turbulensi Pesawat

“Ada film saya tonton, ceritanya kerbau pergi ke bulan hari ini, terus kembali ke bumi kemarin… Itu kan dari teori relativitasnya Albert Einstein.”

“Senin ini diundang Upacara Hari Kesaktian Pancasila. Eh, itu PKI beragama atau tidak? Barangkali individunya tetap beragama, ya.”

“Pernah naik pesawat, tiba-tiba itu pesawatnya turun ke bawah, jadi kepala kita terbentur ke atas. Begini karena ada vakum udara, istilahnya turbulensi.”

Sulit untuk menemukan hubungan antara Albert Einstein, PKI, dan turbulensi pesawat secara sekaligus. Untuk berpasang-pasangan pun, antara Albert Einstein-PKI, PKI-turbulensi pesawat, dan Albert Einstein-turbulensi pesawat masih belum begitu kentara kaitannya.

Albert Einstein, ilmuwan fisika yang merumuskan teori relativitas. PKI, organisasi politik yang sudah dimatikan sejak zaman Orde Baru di Indonesia dan bagi sebagian orang menganggap mulai bangkit kembali (meskipun saya pribadi merasa ini hal konyol). Turbulensi pesawat, gangguan selama penerbangan yang membuat penumpang pesawat akan merasa terancam maut.

Can you figure out what’s the same thing between the three of them? ‘Cause I ain’t.
Sama seperti herannya saya, ketika ketiga perkara itu jadi topik pembahasan antara penguji, pembimbing, dan peserta saat menjelang dimulai dan pasca selesainya presentasi ujian hasil saya.

Yeah, damn, I’m done. Ignore it, if I’m friggin’ freak about this step: the moment where I can officially say “one step closer”. Norak, ye kan?

But, in the end, it’s such a relief, I pass and get through of this. Beberapa hari sebelumnya, saya memang tidak banyak mempersiapkan menuju hari ini. Setelah disahkan dengan “acc” dari dua pembimbing, saya mengurus segala tetek bengek administrasi untuk penjadwalan ujian. Bicara tentang jadwal ujian, sedianya saya sudah melewati tahap ini sejak seminggu yang lalu. Namun karena kedua pembimbing saya sedang ada urusan yang lebih dahulu terjadwal, saya harus ikhlas dan merelakan untuk hal yang kesekian kali. I shoulda told you, I’m an expert about letting things go.

Sejak tahu kalau jadwal saya ditunda minggu lalu, saya juga menunda membuat presentasi. Bukan perkara balas dendam, hanya karena memang ada prioritas lain yang lebih dibutuhkan dengan segera. I’ve told you before about letting things go, right?

Jadi, berkas presentasi itu baru diselesaikan beberapa hari jelang hari ini. Hingga semalam sebelumnya pun, saya tidak banyak mempelajari ulang materi penelitian. Let it be, saja. And voila!!! I’m really done.

Sekarang, saya sedang mengingat-ingat proses yang telah dilewati hingga ke tahap ini. Betapa, ada banyak pelajaran hidup yang saya peroleh selama mengerjakan hasil penelitian. Ini bukan hanya sekadar merampungkan tugas akhir dengan membaca literatur, lalu melaksanakan penelitian, hingga menyimpulkan dan menjawab pertanyaan penelitian. That’s kinda wasting time, kalau memang benar hanya seperti itu.

Jauh lebih banyak dari sekadar pengaruh akademik saja. Sejak menentukan judul penelitian, kita diajak untuk menjadi lebih peka dengan diri sendiri dan dunia sekitar. For the sake of what stuffs that you’re gonna put yourself into doing research, yang menjadi fokus penelitian tentu tak bisa jauh-jauh dari kebutuhan diri dan pengamatan. And I choose “academic stress in mathematics problem solving”, guess why?

Sepanjang proses penelitian pun, saya menemukan banyak hal baik. Ketika salah menargetkan instrumen penelitian, saya belajar untuk sungguh-sungguh merencanakan sesuatu dengan matang sebelum mengerjakan. Lalu, saya juga belajar untuk bisa memperbaiki kesalahan sesegera mungkin.
Ketika melakukan penelitian, saya juga paham betapa siswa SMP yang menjadi subjek penelitian bisa menjadi guru. Saya tidak selalu benar dalam mengarahkan mereka, saya tidak selalu menjadi apa yang diinginkan oleh mereka, kemudian saya tidak melulu menjadi pihak yang selalu berbicara. Dengan mendengarkan, ada banyak hal yang bisa saya pelajari meski dari yesterday afternoon kids; kids jaman now.

Ketika melakukan triangulasi, translasi, koding, reduksi, kondensasi, analisis, inferensi, semua bagian dari penelitian punya cara-caranya dalam mempelajari hal yang lebih kompleks. Tidak hanya mentok pada bagian itu saja. Seperti translasi dan koding yang selalu dipraktekkan di kehidupan sehari-hari.
And this is the best part, literally, mengerjakan sesuatu dengan sungguh-sungguh memang menjadi lebih berfaedah. Walaupun saya tidak banyak mempelajari ulang menjelang seminar hasil, tapi karena terlibat langsung sejak awal hingga akhir, it doesn’t need a lot of effort anymore until today.

Hasilnya, ada beberapa revisi dari penguji, and I think I can handle it. Another one thing, at last, terima kasih untuk pembahasan Albert Einstein, PKI, dan turbulensi pesawat yang membuat seminar hasil tidak menjadi begitu seram. Ketiga perkara itu itu cukup mendistraksi dari lebih banyak pembahasan dan pertanyaan yang pelik selama seminar.

I thank to Albert Einstein, PKI, dan turbulensi pesawat! With all due respect.

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In Slice of Life

I've Never Had Stressor That Much

 Until now.

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In Slice of Life

Pertanyaan tentang Masa Depan

“Sekarang kayak tertarik sekali kurasa dengan desain-desain interior. Kalau kerja di media, mau jadi tim kreatif saja.”

“Saya tetap minat di broadcasting, mau jadi penyiar atau news anchor.”

News anchor? Nda lulus kualifikasi mukamu.”

Lewat tengah malam saat itu. Kami bertiga sedang sibuk membicarakan percakapan acak. Semuanya mengalir begitu saja, sebab ada-ada saja yang tak bisa habis diperbincangkan.

Hingga tiba pada trialog di atas. Kami membicarakan tentang masa depan, atau setidaknya sedang membayangkan seperti apa kami di masa depan. Kedua teman saya itu sudah punya arah jelas dengan hidupnya. Minimal mereka sudah benar-benar tahu yang mereka inginkan nanti. Saya yang menimpali di urutan ketiga hanya berusaha mencibir impian teman yang lain, tidak tahu pasti mau mengatakan pekerjaan yang sungguh-sungguh ingin digeluti nanti.

Saya selalu saja iri dengan teman-teman punya perencanaan jelas dengan hidupnya. Tentu saja, pemaknaan iri dengan positif. Iri yang dilandasi rasa kagum dan ingin menuruti jejaknya. Bukan sekadar panas hati dan ingin merebut kepemilikannya.

Ada banyak sekali yang saya senangi. Bagian terburuknya adalah saya jadi mendera dilema di antara beragam pilihan.

Hingga sekarang, saat saya sedang menunggu jadwal ujian hasil untuk skripsi, saya masih belum tahu pasti jawaban atas pertanyaan tentang masa depan. Target saya masih sebatas harus sarjana tahun ini. Seperti yang sudah sering-sering diperingatkan orang tua. Itu saja.

Tentang peringatan orang tua, sebenarnya di beberapa waktu terakhir, mereka-terutama bapak-sedang berusaha meyakinkan saya untuk mendaftar lowongan penerimaan calon pegawai negeri sipil. Profesi yang jadi idaman sebagian besar para orang tua. Apa lagi dasarnya kalau bukan jaminan masa depan dengan gaji bulanan menentu dan pesangon pensiuanan di hari tua?

Saya memikirkan itu, sangat memikirkan, malah. Tapi saya menolak permintaan bapak saat diminta melamar lowongan dengan kualifikasi minimal SMA. Saya hanya berdalih ingin berfokus menyelesaikan studi sarjana dan langsung diaminkan bapak.

Dari sini, saya juga belajar untuk berani mengatakan “tidak” pada sesuatu yang memang tidak ingin atau tidak bisa saya lakukan. Saya hanya merasa tidak ingin begitu banyak terjebak dengan harapan-harapan yang ditumpukan dari orang tua. Jadi, dengan begini saya memulai menentukan masa depan dengan lebih mandiri dan agak leluasa.

Singkatnya, sekarang saya sedang memasuki pekan ketiga menjadi “budak perusahaan”. Bukan korporat sebenarnya, sekadar memoles saja agar lebih berkesan.

Pada awalnya, saya sungguh berpikir untuk memiliki sumber penghasilan sendiri. Mengikuti sejumlah akun penyedia lowongan kerja di beberapa media sosial. Selain itu, membuat akun LinkedIn, yakali ada yang berminat menengok CV saya. Langkah itu harus benar-benar ditempuh, sebab saya tidak harus selalu mengandalkan kiriman uang saku dari orang tua yang sebentar lagi memasuki usia pensiun.

Bak gayung bersambut, meski langkah yang sebelumnya ditempuh jadi tidak terlalu berfaedah, salah seorang senior menawari pekerjaan. Diawali ragu, saya menerima tawaran tersebut.

Meski akrab dengan hal-hal yang dilakukan itu, tetap saja muncul kecemasan-kecemasan: bagaimana kalau sebenarnya bukan ini yang saya inginkan, bagaimana kalau ada yang lebih baik, dan serangkaian bagaimana kalau yang lain. Tetap, saya memikirkan banyak kemungkinan-kemungkinan itu.

Honestly, Saya merasa “muak” di hari-hari awal. Memaksakan diri untuk melakukan dengan ikhlas. Di pekerjaan ini, saya kemudian meminta satu hari libur, Tuesday. Alasannya, karena masih ada kuliah di kampus di hari itu. So, guess how it feels when you gotta work even on the weekend?

My another biggest fear is there will be less time with Imaginary. I know it doesn’t make sense ‘cuz I shouldn’t always stand by her. Anyway, there won’t be any fear or scars about her if all I have is keep faith and fight for her.

Sekarang saya semakin menjadi seperti Sabari rasanya. Betapa menenggelamkan diri dengan setumpuk pekerjaan hanya menjadi pelarian semu semata. Kalau sudah pulang dan menjemput mimpi, kepala masih tetap menjadi kantor paling sibuk di dunia.

Still, here I am. Tentang perasaan saya dengan pekerjaan ini, masih fluktuatif: kadang suka sekali, kadang masih “muak”. Namun, saya semakin berusaha keras dan mulai mencoba untuk mencintai. Prinsip witing tresno jalaran soko kulino yang terjadi di kasus saya dan Imajiner, saya harapkan akan berlaku pula. Rutinitas yang dilakukan selama enam hari dalam sepekan, semoga membiasakan.

Semoga benar, jalan yang saya tempuh ini. Semoga menjadi ketetepan baik dari Tuhan yang Maha Baik.

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